I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
