I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
