It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
She's JV to your varsity
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
