when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
