I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
