with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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