As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
