i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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