It's Friday. Sex?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
