Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Randomize
