She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
