..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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