I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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