Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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