He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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