i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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