she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
