and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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