So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
