did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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