Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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