I met the friendliest cop last night
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
