Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
