shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
