just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I got inside last night via doggy door
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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