Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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