Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
