the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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