I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
