If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I think a kid would responsible me up
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
