Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
