He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
