he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
