You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
