Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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