dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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