from now on my penis is your penis
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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