plz talk dirty to me
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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