How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
3 2 1 whiskey
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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