butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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