I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
