I skipped work to stalk him.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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