Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
