haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
