he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We smell like vodka and hangover
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
