Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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