I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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