just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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