Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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