I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
