Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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