Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize