Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
