Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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