Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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