so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
