At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
