im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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