Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
