Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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