He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
