Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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