is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
