i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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