Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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