making cat noises will not fix the situation.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
