fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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